If you know me at all, you know a good adjective to describe me would be INVOLVED. It's true, I wouldn't want it any other way, but it is exhausting at times. Like, oh, say, all of January and February.
I wish that I had the energy and consciousness to blog seriously about all these things, but I'm afraid that I will have to settle with conveying main ideas. I have to confess that part of the reason that I haven't blogged about things individually as they've happened is that I've barely had time to process them for myself, let alone regurgitate something that worth reading by someone else. In waiting for a good time to collect my thoughts, I've never actually come to have enough time and therefore and maybe more scattered than before because now it's not fresh in my memory.
That being said, these are some of the things that I've been involved in, which, of course, means that they're important to me.
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Remember that post of musings about what it means to be church? Well, that is still a big question. I seem to have entered the Church of the Saviour community at a time of new interest by young people, but also a time of transition for the old guard. On the one hand, we young people want to learn from the powerful wisdom of our elders who have gone before us and fought hard to learn the lessons of where faith and justice meet in a broken world and the gift of true community. On the other hand, we see a need for and feel a call to leadership to continue the church in the richness of its tradition. So that was the basic crux of a marathon "meeting-of-the-hearts" that 8 of us had. We did come up with some concrete ways to act in our collective call, but the most exciting part to me was just that I was sitting for 4 hours with awesome people who are passionate about similar things and care enough to spend that much time listening and dreaming and prayerfully considering how to follow God's vision in our lives and in the kingdom. That is where I thrive. There is something in me that calls out for this kind of fellowship and creativity, but it hasn't been tapped into this much before now. I feel like it's part of my on-going discernment of call in life to figure out how and where to feed that jumping seed inside of me.
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In addition to my own inner-searching, DY provides and provokes plenty to think about. We recently spent a weekend at the Damascus Road anti-racism training in Philadelphia put on by the Mennonite Central Committee. Now that is something to unpack. So I kinda knew about white privilege. And I think that the kingdom of God is a wholly new way of structuring society where "power" is shared equally, not in our current sense of power but in a identity that is completely other, something that is entirely God in that it is beyond my current imagination and grasping as I live in a broken system. But in addition to all that, this conference made me realize how this is something that really needs to be worked on and addressed in churches and faith organizations directly. Most of the time we thing we're dealing with racism by accepting all people (if they happen to come in and seem to be ok with doing things our way) and claiming that we're open to multi-culturalism (but the reason we don't have a multi-cultural congregation is because we're in the wrong location or no minority groups come to our church). [Of course, I'm speaking here from a white perspective because that's what I know.] Anyway, if the kingdom of God is new order, then it is truly diverse and multi-cultural and multi-ethnic. In short, I'm not participating in the kingdom fully if I'm not doing it in equality with all people. So anti-racism is central to doing God's work in the world.
On a practical note, the training used the analogy of and iceberg to talk about the three parts of racism. On the top in the overt oppression of people of color - racist comments and violence, discriminatory hiring practices, favoritism. The next level is white privilege, below the surface of the water - the hierarchical structuring of our society with white males at the top; white people having convenience and not even realizing the privileges of not being followed around a store to make sure you don't steal something, of trusting the police, of being seen as an individual instead of a representative of the race, of knowing that your word/work/intelligence is trusted to be your merit. The third part is the base of internalized racism - for white people this is Internalized Racist Superiority and for people of color this is Internalized Racist Oppression. These are the ways that we have been culturally indoctrinated to accept the roles that have been given to us by our skin color. White people are not any more at fault for IRS than people of color are at fault for IRO. A lot of the time, though, the problem occurs that white people are not ready to give up our privileges and do the hard work of relearning our true identity. (Similar things could be said for people of color, but I can't speak to that because I'm not from that situation.)
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To end with a purely fun note, I spent the first weekend of March in NYC visiting friends and grad school. The Wesley House campus ministry from Stetson took a spring break mission trip up there, so I got to spend time with my wonderful friends Adam Darragh and Carly Badke. I also took the time to visit Union Theological Seminary and Columbia University School of Social Work. I was actually surprised by how much I liked what I saw. First of all, I wasn't sure that I would really like living in NYC, but as I mastered the trains and saw more of the city, I actually felt like I could feel at home there. Also, it doesn't hurt that Union has on-campus graduate housing (where most students live) that is very reasonably priced and well-liked by the student body. There is a wide range of ethnic and ecumenical diversity in the seminary, which is very attractive to me. And as for Columbia, well, it's an Ivy League school, come on. I was impressed with their fields of study programs and their fieldwork opportunities. Now is the waiting time and soon will be the deciding time once I find out which schools accept my applications.
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Logistically, most of us DY housemates are planning on staying in DC for at least another year and living together (me too, grad school deferment allowing). Starting to advertise for housing and to look for a job is something that needs to get rolling about now. I feel like I need to be here for more time and more experience, so I know that if God is nudging me in this direction that he will provide. In any case, extra prayers don't hurt :)
I'm struck by how much of life I really do have ahead of me and I want to take this time and these years to really do what I want to and feel called to do. There is enough time and space for all the experiences and opportunities God has for me. I don't want to lose sight of that.
