things i don't like (in no particular order)

the need to designate june as "torture awareness month"

How are we so screwed up with greed and power that we can't even define what is torture to humans who are people like us?!  My housemates and I recently watched "Ghosts of Abu Ghraib.  Another friend of mine is worried about her Zimbabwean activist friends who are imprisoned, beaten, and treated inhumanely (maybe even tortured?) in their native country because they speak organize the people to stand up for their basic rights.  In my faith community there are several torture survivors and family members of torture survivors who are seeking political asylum.  Orlando had several years of solitary confinement and other horrible treatment in his native Philippines and now he started and organization named TASSC (Torture Abolition and Survivor Support Coalition, www.tassc.org).  Some church members volunteer to house and support torture survivors and their families while they are recovering and seeking political asylum.  Meanwhile, most of us, including our political leaders, seem to be so far removed from the whole thing that we can water down torture into a few choice words that make it seem ok.  The whole thing blows my mind.

rob and lilly aren't sleeping on our porch anymore

Rob and Lilly (Miss Lillian, as she sometimes calls herself) used to sleep on our porch pretty regularly because there are no one-night homeless shelters in DC that allow couples to stay together overnight.  It wouldn't be so bad except that our neighbors don't like it.  In the past we've kinda half-heartedly asked them to leave.  But they keep coming back and they really don't do any harm.  Our neighbor keeps pressuring us and I gave in and asked Rob and Lilly if we could help them find a better shelter or day program.  That was two weekends ago and they haven't been back since.  I feel so guilty.  The only reason I did that was because of the pressure I felt from the neighbor (who, by the way, has a pretty extravagant house and yard and patio and car).  I thought about Lilly and Rob that whole day and I hoped that they wouldn't listen to me like they hadn't in the past so that I could work on a better relationship with them.  Now they're probably sleeping somewhere else - somewhere probably less safe and still on the street - because they know about all the shelters and choose not to go to them.  So what's the point of me telling them to leave?  Now I have no way of contacting them.  Every morning I open the kitchen blinds as I make the coffee and hope that they're sleeping out back so that I can offer them a cup of joe and piece of toast.  They haven't come back yet.

dead squirrels

Especially when I find it on the front porch of my friend's house for whom I'm dogsitting and as I'm taking said squirrel-obsessed dog for a walk!  Gross.  And then the neighbor just watched me as I gingerly put the rigomortized squirrel in a plastic bag and threw it away.  What a great way to start a Saturday morning.

feeling guilty about almost everything i buy...

because our systems of trade are so extremely oppressive at almost every point of the commercial process that money is always the bottom line and people's quality of life is left out of the equation.  (*That's a simplistic statement, but I think a lot about the complexities behind it and hope to do a future blog on my consumer evolution.)

things i really like (in no particular order)

saturday brunch after throwing a party at our house

Good morning.  Blueberries were on sale on Friday for waffle-making on Saturday.  We're like a little family, except mom doesn't have to do all the work because we all pitch in.  There are just as many laughs in recounting the party last night was there were when it was happening.  It's a chill and fulfilling way to debrief.  Sometimes there's a slight let-down after the high of a fun night with friends, but brunch at home with my housemates is the best antidote.

challenging and refreshing worship

Last week at 8th Day faith community was particularly beautiful as we participated in a music peace liturgy written by one of the members.  My friend Sadie shared about her experience as a volunteer with a human rights NGO in Zimbabwe.  The message that woven through her story challenged me to inspect the callings God has entrusted to me and how willing I am to sacrifice personal comforts for those passions.  Every week I am inspired by the stories of people just like me who are intentionally working with the word of God in their lives and hearts that is tugging on them to move more and more closer to the heart of God and God's dream for the world.  I particularly love that a community this size (30-40 on a given Sunday) allows me to make connections with people who are shaping the church because no one is not a part of its shape.  It's hard to be a peripheral there, but at the same time I don't feel pressured to be something I'm not.  Everyone's presence and gifts are valuable no matter how large or small.

evening bike rides

There's nothing like the cooling, hazy light of the early evening, leafy-green tree-lined paths, and a few friends to make a bike ride a little prayer of joy.

musicians practicing in my house

I walked in the door from church this morning to find Clay and friends from his church practicing for their afternoon worship.  What a beautiful thing to arrive home to!  To be able to sit and bask in their creativity and passion for worship through music was such a gift to me today.

I'm a fan

This is one mysterious kid.

That’s what I thought when I first met D. (I won’t use his full name here.)

D had created a little buzz through the Sitar Arts Center staff office talk, presumably because of his precarious home-life, but I still don’t know the backstory and maybe it isn’t even important to our relationship right now. He’s tall with a short afro and often wears a white t-shirt that reads I’M BLACK in huge bold letters. He started greeting me with hugs soon after I introduced myself to him one day as he was coming in for guitar lesson. At first I thought it was going to be one of those awkward relationships where the high school boy has a crush on me because I’m the only female in his life who’s interested in him as a person. But somehow we moved past that after I wouldn’t let him hang out at my desk and I used my camp counselor skills to defer to side-hugs and less physical contact.

I never knew there were so many different ways that “alright” could answer the question “how are you?” Or sometimes it’s just a nod. Other staff members have described him as “a man of few words,” but I’ve never found it uneasy to have a conversation with him even if he doesn’t talk a lot. In Lyric and Songwriting class we started and ended each session with dives, two-minute free-writing exercises on a variety of topics. D rarely read his dive aloud, but one time he followed the prompt “I am from…” with “government cheese.” Thinking about it after class that evening still sent chills up my spine.

Over the past six months I’ve felt a growing maturity in him from how he deals with frustration with his dad to the development of the teen rock band at the Center. Oh, the band. It seems that they are always together practicing or talking about practicing or writing songs and lyrics, but hardly have anything to show for it considering the amount of time they put into it. And somehow, through some magic that is completely unexpected yet makes sense, D is the one that can hold them together and make it possible for them to get their act together and perform this week.

On stage, he wore black plastic sunglasses and his favorite t-shirt under an open short-sleeve plaid shirt. Being in the spotlight is something he’s good at but doesn’t seek purposely, at least it doesn’t seem that way. On Thursday I told him that he’s nominated for an award. He doesn’t know that I nominated him and that the award is for Most Improved because of all the growth I’ve seen in him this semester. Nonetheless he was genuinely surprised and proud and humbled all at the same time and in such a subtle way. My heart sang a little just to see his reaction. Last night after the performance, I thanked him for his leadership, maturity, and diligence in preparing the band and I can honestly say that it wasn’t an over-the-top, ego-boosting compliment.

I can honestly say that I’m rooting for this kid. I’m rooting for him so hard that he can overcome the obstacles society has put in his way. I want so badly for him to become something with all this potential. He’s at a good point, but also a precarious point. If I was reading about a fictional character I could look at this situation and see a turning point where either the potential could be used for good or for bad. I get wrapped up in fictional characters as I watch their lives unravel or unfold before me. This story is slower and I’m really wrapped up in the most mysterious yet subtly and profoundly overcoming kid I know.

Next Steps

This time last year I had just graduated from Stetson and I asked myself, along with every other person in my life, "What's next?"  12 months later the same question is floating around again.  Once again, my concrete plans only extend to early August and I am balancing a strong prayer for discernment and guidance with the patience of trust as well as a small fire under me to make "something happen."

It's good to think about what's next because I am simultaneously thinking about what has been and how it has prepared me for what's next.  As I ended college last year I felt the wide-open freedom of adulthood challenging me to start with the right habits and goals and priorities so that I would set my life path on the way that I believed rather than blindly following cultural ideas of practicality.  Although I am always held in family and friendships and community, my decisions were finally becoming my own.  If I wanted to become a person that embraced the simple, radical, counter-cultural way of Jesus, it would be much easier to start with a clean slate than to go with the flow and decide later on that I wanted to undo all the culturally-expected marks of ladder-climbing and consumerism and individualism.

In that way, this year has been a perfect time for laying foundations.  I've been surrounded by a structured program and supportive community to make conscious decisions about how my choices affect me and others.  Will I continue to make these decisions with less structure in my life?  Granted, I won't be making tons of money, but hopefully more than $125/month, so will I still be generous and simplified in my spending?  True, I'll be living with other people, but will I be tempted to live more like roommates rather than intentional community?  Sure, I'll always have my compassionate spirit for the injustices of the world, but without a curriculum of learning will I continue to challenge myself to engage or become increasingly unaware and apathetic?  These are the calls that I am facing in the next transition of my life.

After all my philosophizing, you are still left with the burning questions, "Ok, Sarah, you're a big picture person, but what exactly are you going to be doing?"  You're right.  Good thing I am also very detail-oriented and a go-getter.  That doesn't mean that I know the exact plans yet, but I am working on them, so don't be worried.

Here's a rough skeleton (which is all there is right now) of The Plan:

Job-wise, I have the possibility to stay with my current organization, Sitar Arts Center, but in a different capacity.  This has its benefits and its detractors, so I'm really praying and looking for discernment.  I am also looking into jobs with the Latin American Youth Council (LAYC) and a hunger-and-poverty-focused organization called Bread for the City.

Living-situation-wise, there are several people that I am considering living with next year and keeping with some kind of model of intentional community.  Of my current housemates, Emily and I are definitely sticking together.  Chris, Clay, and Isa are all working on different plans with the possibility of staying in DC and, if so, probably wanting to live in community.  There are also 3 married couples that we know through Church of the Saviour who are interested in community living.  Obviously, not all of these people could fit in one house, but there is also the possibility of living nearby and doing sister-houses and neighborhood community things too.

House-wise, I am actively looking, through networking and Craig's List and classified ads, for large houses for rent within the District.  I'm super-blessed right now to be living in a spacious house in a great location close to the Metro, bus, grocery store, work, church, and friends.  It's still a little early to be looking in the rental market because most landlords don't advertise until a month before the house is ready to rent.  I'm hoping that if I find something now, a landlord might be able to wait till August or rent a short while until we can move in.  Otherwise, it's just the last-minute rental scramble and hopefully something good will come of it.

If you are reading this, you are probably important to me in some way and care about me (as I about you) so I would appreciate your prayers.  I'm excited about life right now and hopeful for what's to come!

So Dark & So Light

I sat on the beach with my friends, savoring a once-common-but-now-rare moment of worshipping through song, scripture, sharing, and prayer.  I wouldn't begin to assume that I could capture the moment better than any poet in history has tried, but it's true that the waves sang along and the stars twinkles with harmony and all the overly-romanticized images of the quiet beauty were real.  Especially the moon.

Even though it was only halfway exposed, the moon shone incredible brightly.  Each half was a perfect ying and yang, so dark and so light, split exactly down the middle.  I identified with that moon: I am so dark and so light.

One friend read from 2 Corinthians 3:18, "And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord.  And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more."

The four days I spent with my friends was a well-savored treat because life is pulling us in many different geographical directions.  In this state of heightened senses, I saw so clearly the shining radiance of God and also the great darkness in the lives of myself and my friends.

Although there are many places that we have not allowed God's light to touch yet, the brilliance of the ways we do reflect is not diminished.  If even a sliver of the moon is exposed to reflect the sun, that sliver reflects just as brightly as when the whole moon is reflecting.  Our darkness, our not-yet places, do not diminish the brilliance of the places already surrendered and transformed.

The time we spent together expressed a more full and mature beauty because heaviness and joy were found comfortably side by side.  The vulnerability is real and not just hyped-up emotion; the joy is real and not just escapist happiness.  The only thing that comes to mind to close out this musing is this: A light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.

Towards Freedom

I have a confession to make.  It is a confession to myself and to anyone who has been reading this blog.  It is a confession that's not meant to be harsh or berating on myself or others, but to be liberating, as all confessions ultimately are, into grace, freedom, and transformation.

I have not shied away from writing because I am too tired or overwhelmed from difficult things or even busy with good, enjoyable things.  I have suppressed my voice because I am afraid of it.  I am afraid that I am to rash in speaking out strongly about things.  I am afraid that I am wrong.  I am afraid that I am not wise enough.  I am afraid of always being negative.  I am afraid of not being funny or fun or light-hearted.  I am afraid that I will be offensive.  I am afraid that I will be seen as trite.  I am afraid that I will be seen as sappy.  I am afraid of rocking the boat and falling out into the realness of life.

When something is in my head, I can nurture it and it is not exposed to the criticisms of others.  Once I have voiced a thought or written it down, others may think what they want and I am powerless.

What am I writing for?  To keep my friends and family entertained?  To put them at ease about what I am doing and who I am becoming while I am physically far away and living through a formative time in my life?  I feel like I've been writing to put people at ease, not to give voice to truths in my life.  I intend to be real, but then I censor myself.

Even if what I say now is not wise or entertaining or beautiful, it is what I am now.  And that is fine.  I need to embrace the now-ness and realize that I will look back on it and probably see how I have grown and matured.  But I can't be anything different than I am now.  I can't be more mature, more eloquent, wiser, or funnier.

I am also afraid of being redundant.  I've been reading Martin Luther King, Jr. lately and he's redundant.  At least conceptually repetitive.  The crux of everything he said, whether the topic was civil rights or elimination of poverty or against the Vietnam War, was that people matter equally as children of God and only love and non-violence can achieve the peaceful family-hood for which the whole world yearns.  He said this in many different ways and always used his best skills of writing and oratory to give life to the concept.  But he didn't stop saying it because it had already been said.  He kept repeating the root of his belief, not because it was a new concept, but because people needed the reminder.

The only things that I can write about are brokenness and beauty.  They may come in different forms or have a concentrated imbalance at one time or another, but they are the root and they go hand in hand.

Because I am compassionate about the brokenness of consumerism, individualism, materialism, and other cultural addictions that contribute to the emptiness of life in myself and others - because of that, I am passionate about freedom in Christ that brings joy and wholeness through community, interdependence, simplicity, and trust that God's way brings true life.  At times, yes, I am extremely weighted down by these thing.  But I cannot express the joy of the light without explaining the reason why the darkness is so dark.

I apologize to myself for not always embracing the fullness of what I am processing, thinking, and feeling.

The only way that I can process the deepening understanding I have of the brokenness of myself and my relationships and the world around me - the only way I can deal with that is through opening myself to more beauty: daily prayer time becomes more tender; music becomes sweeter; worship washes me with emotion; biking in spring weather makes my spirit soar on sunlight; cuddling and talking with friends allows me to fall into their support; my simple participation in the world is opened to the beauty of a multitude of everyday things because I need to recognize that beauty in order to sustain myself.

We're reading a book on cultural addictions called Finding Our Way Home by Killian Noe, a woman pastor who started a drug-addictions recovery program here in DC through Church of the Saviour.  She says, "Sometimes we hold onto various means of numbing our pain and other addictions that cripple us because the known is less terrifying than the unknown freedom we are being offered.  Believe it or not, sometimes we choose to remain paralyzed in a certain area of our inner lives because we are terrified of feeling out of control and terrified of what might be expected of us if we were to become a little more free."

If I were more free to not be perfect, not be more mature that I am at the moment, not be wiser than my years, and not be more articulate than my own voice, then I might be expected to say things that rock my boat and rock other people's boats.  I might be thrown out into the storm of brokenness.  I might wash up on an island of beauty.  I might drift aimlessly for a while.  I might repeat the cycle all over again.  Maybe those things are better than being confined to a small boat.  Maybe.

New Class! ...and thoughts on it

An unintentional theme for me through DY is recognizing barriers and working toward reconciliation.  (Maybe you've noticed it in my blog posts :) )  That's why I was so excited when I saw this class that is being offered at the Servant Leadership School this term: Overcoming Divisions in the Body of Christ.

The course description reads, "Christ wanted the various segments of his Church to be one.  What makes this so difficult?  Why, as martin Luther King, Jr. observed, is Sunday morning at 11:00 the most segregated hour in America?  This course will explore some of those things that keep us separate: race, class, language, theology.  It will offer some ways to overcome those divisions together."

The teachers are also very interesting: one black male pastor who is also an adjunct professor at Howard University's School of Divinity; and one white male pastor who directs a ministry that helps people develop relationships across the barriers that separate the inner city and the suburbs.

Isa, my Salvadorean housemate, and I are taking the class together.  I already really appreciate our friendship and perspectives about overcoming divisions in our personal lives and in the church.  I hope that the class will help strengthen our conversations about racial healing and multiculturalism in the church.

We spent the first class reflecting on Jesus' prayer for the unity of the church in John 17.  And throughout the course we will be reading from various pieces of MLK's writings and from Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved.

As I was reading the King assignment, I found tears in my eyes just reading the account of what was happening during the Montgomery bus boycott.  My emotion sprung from the realness of it all.  The injustice was real, the danger was real, and the hope was real.  My tears are also for how much needs to be done still.  But mostly, I felt a compelling sense to reach for that kind of reality in my life.  It sounds trite or cheesy, but I do want to be a part of something that creates a positive change in the world now.  If need be, I want to have something worth being in the line of danger.  I don't want to shrink from things that matter.

It's true that there are no momentary decisions.  The decision that MLK, Ralph Abernathy, and Robert Graetz made to ride the first integrated bus together as two black and one white man, that decision was not made in a moment, or an hour, or even a day.  That decision was made long before the bus boycott ever began, when all of those men decided that they had principles that they intended to stick to throughout life.  And when the time came again and again to stick to those principles, no matter the outcome, they continued to do so.

I hope my mundane and ordinary decisions of today are the kind that lay the pathway for difficult decisions in the future.  And I feel encouraged to continue being/be more involved in movements for social change.  I love reading King because he's so solid, not judging or preachy to people who aren't involved, but strong and honest and faithful to his calling.  He was good at leading and inspiring because he was true to himself, his faith, and following Christ.

What is the Montgomery bus boycott of today?  I feel this realness as I'm learning about racial healing, planning for intergeneration conversations and leadership development in my church, and participating in demonstrations of peace for Darfur and Iraq.  It's good to recognize the places in my life where I feel that I am truly following Christ.  I also feel that community and simple living are life-giving in light of my faith.  Little by little, I pray that my life is coming closer under the love of God and God's call on my life.

Community Covenant

On Tuesday, April 8, the DY volunteers, our director Dawn, and some special mentors convened for a Recommitment Service to walk through the commitments that we've made as an intentional community and, obviously, recommit ourselves to that covenant.  We started writing the covenant on our retreat in October.  Although we set out the basic framework in the fall, we still had some refining and wording to do and we finished the final copy the week before the ceremony.  (For all you astute readers, that means that we finished our covenant on April 1, the day Dawn pranked us really good.  So we also wrote a fake covenant that was really offensive and sent it to her as the "real" as a prank back on her.)  Now that I've been committed and recommitted to this community thing we got going on here, it's relevant to let you know what it's all about.  Without further ado, please read our esteemed covenant below.

Discipleship Year ~ Community Covenant 2007-2008

We are a group of Christ-followers who are exploring ways to live in community as the unified Body of Christ seeking to give of ourselves, develop deep relationships, live our faith authentically, learn from one another, and glorify God by . . .

Spiritual Disciplines
Sharing time: Sunday evening (at 8:30pm unless Katy works – 9:30pm)
· Framed by our relationships with God and neighbor
· Group prayer to close our Sunday time

Fellowship (Peaceful Community)
· Thursday evening dinner, nuts ‘n bolts, fun
· Valuing our individual relationships (one-on-ones)
· Stretching ourselves in engaging in different relationships outside ourselves
· Worship
· Participating in a Church body outside of ourselves
· Occasional corporate worship

· Personal prayer for one another (i.e. picking one person each day of the week)
· Servant Leadership School
· Learn together by participating in the weekly classes
· Rest and rejuvenation
· Solitude, cultivating outside relationships, retreat, etc.

Simple Living
· True to budget
· Food budget; rollover money
· Personal stipend
· Conserving energy in house
· Lights; electricity; heat; recycling; biking/walking; composting
Health - Personal ideas of sustainable health; Group dynamics/needs considered as a house

· Supporting local businesses (Serving the Community; Peaceful Community)
· Shopping/working at the City Garden Co-op
· Buying from local Salvadoran venues
· Dialogue about simple and sustainable living
· Valuing interpersonal relationships
· Moderation in isolating activities (i.e. TV watching, Internet time, cell phone usage)
· Fighting cultural addictions
· Sharing our resources - Computers, clothes, instruments, books, etc.

Using Our Gifts
Recognizing, celebrating, and developing gifts by encouragement, discernment, and balancing the variety of gifts
· Personal
· Other people’s gifts at home and direct service
· Community gifts

Peaceful Community
Conflict resolution
· One on one (Matthew 18); go to the source
· Avoid gossip – any kind of negative conversation without person present
· Validate emotions
· Resolve! Don’t fester
· Not taking sides
· Cultivating trust – creating a safe place
· Being present so that our relationships are bringing peace and healing to one another

· Supporting external peace efforts
Fellowship (Spiritual Disciplines)
· Thursday evening dinner, nuts ‘n bolts, fun
· Valuing our individual relationships (one-on-ones)
· Stretching ourselves in engaging in different relationships outside ourselves

Supporting local businesses (Serving the Community; Simple Living)
· Shopping/working at the City Garden Co-op
· Buying from local Salvadoran venues

Growth & Change
· Open to dialogue – engaging in issues that come up at work, with Dawn, in the news, etc.
· Servant Leadership School
· Open to compassionate criticism & self-criticism
· Accountability – to our covenant
· Flexibility in our understanding and expectations of our community and ourselves
· Anticipation of being different at the end of the year

Serving the Community
· Participating in a local church
· Engaged in our placements
· Building relationships with neighbors
· Openness to volunteer opportunities
· Serving food, playing music, demonstrations, etc.
· Engaged and present to the Church of the Savior community
· Supporting local businesses (Simple Living; Peaceful Community)
· Shopping/working at the City Garden Co-op
· Buying from local Salvadoran venues

Respecting our individual and unique expressions of these commitments, we acknowledge that their purpose is for the strengthening of our community and ourselves. We commit to being held accountable to this covenant through self-reflection and community support. For all these things, we depend on God’s grace and guidance now and forevermore. Amen.

Shenanigans!

Sooo, we totally got pranked by Dawn, our program director, on April Fool's Day!

Since April 1 was a Tuesday, we all arrived back at the house between 1-1:30pm for our weekly seminar.  Upon walking into the house we discovered the three couches in to be standing up-ended in the living room.  "Ha ha!" we laughed and wondered who could have gotten into the house to prank us.  After ruling out Dawn through some careful wording on her part, we thought of some other people but it just didn't seem plausible.  Once the whole group was assembled, Dawn finally confessed and was very proud of herself.  She also mentioned mysteriously that there were other things we might find.  Little did we know that there was:

- vaseline on the toilet seat

- snakes (fake) is 3 beds

- cockroaches (also fake) in bedrooms and in the prayer room

- a closet full of balloons that poured out when opened

- boxers and a bra in the freezer

- 2 short-sheeted beds

- socks in a cottage cheese container in the fridge

I never would have seen it coming!

Don't worry, though.  We got her back by toilet papering her office and hiding her office chair in the shower.  Hopefully there's more to come...

Moments of Truth

Tonight was an especially good sharing time.  Every Sunday evening we spend about 90 minutes listening to one another share about where we're at holistically, but especially emotionally and spiritually.  Our conversation is "framed by our relationship to God and others" as we outlined in our community covenant.

Maybe tonight was especially sweet because there had been some relational tensions in the community earlier during the week.  In any case, everyone was very present and connected this evening.  I personally felt ready to share from a space of pain that I'm dealing with in my life.  Somehow I knew the time was ripe in myself and in the group.  It is a true testament to the strength of our community that in this particular group I can expose a heaviness I carry with me everywhere but am not usually free to release.

Aside from myself, others shared about really powerful positive and negative things in their lives.  And yet we can still laugh and connect and embrace even when we find ourselves at very different places in our personal journeys.

As I am typing this, music is wafting up from downstairs.  A group of us was asked to play for an event this week and they're preparing their set list.  Emily is at the piano and Clay is on the violin and a beautiful hymn is providing the backdrop for my space of warm reflection as I share this with you.

Sometimes the ideal moment is in raucous laughter.  Sometimes it is in a genuine hug after an argument.  Sometimes it is a conversation that challenges our worldviews.  Sometimes is in quiet, calm spaces of enjoying one another's company.  Sometimes, as tonight, it is sharing the rawness and realness of joy and pain while hearing and being heard.  These are the moments that I live for, we live for, in community.  These are the moments that are the definition of community.

if it's reoccurring this much, it must mean something important

I bought a book of Wendell Berry poems at the used-book store and I like to read poetry before going to sleep at night. This week I happened upon this poem and it caught my attention to re-read it several times and then look at it again the next night. Then I heard it read at Friday night dinner at Joseph's House. It's like the poem is following me around this week. So there must be something special about it, though I don't have a dissertation on quite what, but I thought I'd share it with you.

The Peace of Wild Things

by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Meaningful Things

This past week was filled with richness in relationships, prayer, struggles at work, difficult decisions, and generally feeling very alive.  It's a little hard to decide what pieces to extract for a closer look.

Worship at 8th Day, my church, this morning was particularly good.  Every once in a while the person giving the message includes time for discussion groups and today was one of those days.  My group consisted of me and 3 white people and one Latino man, named Alfonso, who always attends but doesn't speak or understand English.  (He also makes awesome tamales for the monthly potluck.)  I was kinda timid, but I thought it was important to include Alfonso in the discussion so I started talking with him in Spanish.  It was like a wall came down.  He was very appreciative and I felt an immediate connection with him that was more than language.

When it came time for one person from each group to share with the whole, our group encouraged Alfonso to share.  I asked another Latino man, Cruz, to translate for him because I wanted to make sure his words were interpreted correctly (better than I can do).

After the service, I got to talk to Lily, who came to the US as a Rwandan refugee.  She doesn't come to 8th Day that often, so it was good to get to see her.  As we chatted I remembered that she loves to sing and I told her that I think it would be really great if she led the music one Sunday.  She seemed encouraged and actually talked with the music coordinator as he was meeting with people to organize for the coming months.

The reason that I tell these stories is not because they are revolutionary, but because they are signs of the life of the church that I have been looking for, and, frankly, have been feeling like are lacking.  8th Day does a very good job of welcoming other races and cultures, and several members have political refugees and torture survivors living in their homes while they're getting their situations sorted out.  But aside from the presence of racial and cultural diversity, the culture of worship is a white dominated style and tone.  To me it seems that it's not enough for people to just be there if their voice isn't being heard in the whole church.

So I love that Alfonso found a way to share.  And I will be delighted when Lily feels empowered enough to lead the group in song.

It's a fine line, though, between encouraging multiculturalism through empowerment and just using my white privilege to push my own trendy agenda.  But I know through prayer, attention, and discernment of my actions and motivations that I can let God do a good work in me.  The point is, I was very encouraged by how much I felt the presence of the Spirit in the worship, community, and relationships today.  I needed to see that and feel it palpably - to find the redeeming story of God in a specific area that has been frustrating me.

The Beauty of Resurrection

How beautiful is a resurrection? Easter reminds me of how often I am being resurrected in Christ. I have been resurrected from apathy to hope, from bitterness to forgiveness, from the selfishness of pride and self-righteousness to love of others. How many ways can I die? How many more ways can God create new life? More than I can even know.

It's worth noting that there are some important things that coincided with Lent/Holy Week/Easter this year:
- the 5th anniversary of the war in Iraq
- Barack Obama's speech addressing racial issues in the US
- the anniversary of Bishop Oscar Romero's last homily before he was killed for his work with the poor in El Salvador

Regardless of your perspective on these events, they all relate to a world that needs to be resurrected, and in some ways, a world that IS being resurrected.

My hope stands on the God of an empty tomb, but more importantly, the God of a new body. The God who has the power to say that death is not the final answer. Not only death at the end of life, but death in our current moments, death that occurs even while we are breathing. I'm not and we're not captive to the death of brokenness and oppression anymore. This God is not only capable of raising us from the dead, God is capable of giving, and does give, us a new life in which to live.

How beautiful is a resurrection? As beautiful as the new life that is transformed for God's standards of success. As beautiful as your story, my story, and our communal story. Let us live in the resurrection and the power it has over all forms of death.

Amen and Alleluia!

Whirlwind

If you know me at all, you know a good adjective to describe me would be INVOLVED. It's true, I wouldn't want it any other way, but it is exhausting at times. Like, oh, say, all of January and February.

I wish that I had the energy and consciousness to blog seriously about all these things, but I'm afraid that I will have to settle with conveying main ideas. I have to confess that part of the reason that I haven't blogged about things individually as they've happened is that I've barely had time to process them for myself, let alone regurgitate something that worth reading by someone else. In waiting for a good time to collect my thoughts, I've never actually come to have enough time and therefore and maybe more scattered than before because now it's not fresh in my memory.

That being said, these are some of the things that I've been involved in, which, of course, means that they're important to me.
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Remember that post of musings about what it means to be church? Well, that is still a big question. I seem to have entered the Church of the Saviour community at a time of new interest by young people, but also a time of transition for the old guard. On the one hand, we young people want to learn from the powerful wisdom of our elders who have gone before us and fought hard to learn the lessons of where faith and justice meet in a broken world and the gift of true community. On the other hand, we see a need for and feel a call to leadership to continue the church in the richness of its tradition. So that was the basic crux of a marathon "meeting-of-the-hearts" that 8 of us had. We did come up with some concrete ways to act in our collective call, but the most exciting part to me was just that I was sitting for 4 hours with awesome people who are passionate about similar things and care enough to spend that much time listening and dreaming and prayerfully considering how to follow God's vision in our lives and in the kingdom. That is where I thrive. There is something in me that calls out for this kind of fellowship and creativity, but it hasn't been tapped into this much before now. I feel like it's part of my on-going discernment of call in life to figure out how and where to feed that jumping seed inside of me.
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In addition to my own inner-searching, DY provides and provokes plenty to think about. We recently spent a weekend at the Damascus Road anti-racism training in Philadelphia put on by the Mennonite Central Committee. Now that is something to unpack. So I kinda knew about white privilege. And I think that the kingdom of God is a wholly new way of structuring society where "power" is shared equally, not in our current sense of power but in a identity that is completely other, something that is entirely God in that it is beyond my current imagination and grasping as I live in a broken system. But in addition to all that, this conference made me realize how this is something that really needs to be worked on and addressed in churches and faith organizations directly. Most of the time we thing we're dealing with racism by accepting all people (if they happen to come in and seem to be ok with doing things our way) and claiming that we're open to multi-culturalism (but the reason we don't have a multi-cultural congregation is because we're in the wrong location or no minority groups come to our church). [Of course, I'm speaking here from a white perspective because that's what I know.] Anyway, if the kingdom of God is new order, then it is truly diverse and multi-cultural and multi-ethnic. In short, I'm not participating in the kingdom fully if I'm not doing it in equality with all people. So anti-racism is central to doing God's work in the world.

On a practical note, the training used the analogy of and iceberg to talk about the three parts of racism. On the top in the overt oppression of people of color - racist comments and violence, discriminatory hiring practices, favoritism. The next level is white privilege, below the surface of the water - the hierarchical structuring of our society with white males at the top; white people having convenience and not even realizing the privileges of not being followed around a store to make sure you don't steal something, of trusting the police, of being seen as an individual instead of a representative of the race, of knowing that your word/work/intelligence is trusted to be your merit. The third part is the base of internalized racism - for white people this is Internalized Racist Superiority and for people of color this is Internalized Racist Oppression. These are the ways that we have been culturally indoctrinated to accept the roles that have been given to us by our skin color. White people are not any more at fault for IRS than people of color are at fault for IRO. A lot of the time, though, the problem occurs that white people are not ready to give up our privileges and do the hard work of relearning our true identity. (Similar things could be said for people of color, but I can't speak to that because I'm not from that situation.)
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To end with a purely fun note, I spent the first weekend of March in NYC visiting friends and grad school. The Wesley House campus ministry from Stetson took a spring break mission trip up there, so I got to spend time with my wonderful friends Adam Darragh and Carly Badke. I also took the time to visit Union Theological Seminary and Columbia University School of Social Work. I was actually surprised by how much I liked what I saw. First of all, I wasn't sure that I would really like living in NYC, but as I mastered the trains and saw more of the city, I actually felt like I could feel at home there. Also, it doesn't hurt that Union has on-campus graduate housing (where most students live) that is very reasonably priced and well-liked by the student body. There is a wide range of ethnic and ecumenical diversity in the seminary, which is very attractive to me. And as for Columbia, well, it's an Ivy League school, come on. I was impressed with their fields of study programs and their fieldwork opportunities. Now is the waiting time and soon will be the deciding time once I find out which schools accept my applications.
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Logistically, most of us DY housemates are planning on staying in DC for at least another year and living together (me too, grad school deferment allowing). Starting to advertise for housing and to look for a job is something that needs to get rolling about now. I feel like I need to be here for more time and more experience, so I know that if God is nudging me in this direction that he will provide. In any case, extra prayers don't hurt :)

I'm struck by how much of life I really do have ahead of me and I want to take this time and these years to really do what I want to and feel called to do. There is enough time and space for all the experiences and opportunities God has for me. I don't want to lose sight of that.

Snapshots: Random Happenings of Life

It's about time for a window into the interesting tidbits (or nubbins, if you will) of my day to day life.

FAT TUESDAY - We had a party on the roof at night. Well, more like a fun gathering of us 7 plus our friend David. Surprisingly, the weather was really nice and the sky was clear. We've been saving bottles of wine that weren't used at our New Year's party, so we busted open a couple of those and brought up some cookies and a guitar. A lot of times we jam with praise and worship music, but we decided we needed to play secular songs b/c it was Fat Tuesday, so we sang along to some oldies-but-goodies and also 90s pop-rock songs. You know you liked Counting Crows. Also, it was Super Tuesday for the elections, and Chris kept running downstairs to check on the results of the primary. He was biting his fingernails over Obama. Still is.

RANDOM $ - Emily emailed me at work one day congratulating Sitar Arts Center that we received $22,000 from a earmark in a congressional bill that passed in December. When I asked Monica, our development director, she was surprised b/c she hadn't heard about it. Sooo, we found out that we are getting the money and Monica offered to treat Emily and I to drinks and dinner as a "thank you" even though we didn't really do anything. But it was exciting nonetheless. And good margaritas. Kind of like seeing your name in lights. Only it was seeing my employer's name in legislation. Same thing.

VITAMIN D - Things have seemed pretty heavy for me lately. I would actually say that I've had some pretty depressing days scattered throughout the good ones. In our group time we're tackling racism. Dang. In the Servant Leadership School class we've covered MLK's Letter from a Birmingham jail, the Israeli/Palestinian crisis, and the sin of American empire. Dang, again. In my personal life I'm struggling with issues in the Church, which I mentioned in my previous blog. Also, dang. Sometimes it just seems like too much to handle along with the daily stresses of work and living in community and applying to grad school. Plus, even though it's not a harsh winter, I'm not soaking up the sun like I normally am in FL, so maybe I just need some vitamin D, a good cry, and a long walk in the afternoon.

ACCIDENT PRONE - This weekend I was apparently quite clumsy b/c I got a huge bruise on my shin while playing soccer and took a chunk out of my pinky finger (literally, a chunk) while washing a chipped glass. Good thing I didn't slip and land on my butt on Tuesday when the sidewalks were super-icy.

NEW CLASSES - At SLS the winter classes started in the end of January. I'm taking a class title "Jesus, Justice, Privilege, and Power." Our lead teacher is an ex-CIA guy who is now devoting his life to "speaking truth to power." Huge respect for him. At work, we just started classes this week - I'm teaching music theory and co-teaching Songwriting and Jewelry Design. The songwriting class reminds me a of a movie where the teachers take a group of rough-around-the-edges kids and get them excited about life through dancing or drama or poetry or whatever. Amazing how the arts have that effect. I'm really excited about that one. Also, one kid said that he needed brownies in order to make our class a safe space for creativity. I support that.

GRAD SCHOOL - I turned in my last application! So relieved.

TODAY - Happy Valentine's Day! I'm so glad that I'm feeling less depressed for today, of all days. It wasn't a very un-ordinary community night, but it was just the right thing for the moment. We enjoyed dinner together, got through out Nut-n-Bolts time without a hitch (except that Chris was wearing a shirt he "stole" from Clay "accidentally" - the jury's still out on that one), and decompressed with some worship music around the piano. I'm glad that, even when I don't understand anything, God is still here and I'm provided with various ways to experience God and be supported through the people around me.

Reflection from DY Open House

(We had an Open House on Jan. 27 and I shared this reflection on my time so far here with Discipleship Year. I used some quotes and scripture from an earlier blog post, so you might find it familiar.)

When I first arrived at 3321 16th St NW, I could barely make out the words “Disciple House” on the front door and I had no idea what would be on the other side. The only thing I had that gave me a clue was just a vague feeling that I was in the right place. I’m always up for adventures, having just completed a cross-country road trip with my brother before flying to DC, so that wasn’t an issue. But for this adventure I didn’t have as clear a roadmap. See, I found out about the program and applied late in the game; it seemed like a whirlwind 2 weeks and I was signed-up and another whirlwind 2 months and I arrived. Even if I had more time to prepare or had done my interviews in person, I’m not sure that I would really have been prepared anyway.

So there I was, bringing whatever I had to bring to the situation, which included a recent college diploma, a variety of experiences in ministry, a wounded experience of past community living, an independent and adventurous spirit, natural anxiety, and a prayer that this would turn into a year of something valuable. And there was the situation of Discipleship Year bringing whatever it had in store, plus 6 other housemates, a program director, a whole church community, and 7 non-profit organizations bringing all the things that comprise their various personalities, visions, missions, plans, goals, brokenness and gifts to add to the mix.

I walked into the house and thought, “This is so different. How is this going to turn into ‘home’?” There was nothing wrong with the house; it just had the feeling in the air of a house not yet lived in, not yet familiar with its occupants. The walls were barren. The bedrooms were completely un-personalized by photos or knickknacks. I wasn’t yet used to the creak of that stair or the stickiness of that doorknob either. The house and I, we had to get to know each other.

Then Isa and Paige and Katy and Chris and Emily and Clay began arriving one by one and unpacking their belongings and personalities and lives into the house. (Bear with me now, I’m making a metaphor) A few days into our orientation week we started to really move in and began decorating the common areas of the house as best we could. With such large, white walls we needed to add something. The thing is, when you’re arriving with just a few bags and boxes of belongings, all you can do is make the best with what you have. Some of us had brought a few pieces of wall hanging and we found artwork left by previous residents. Of course all the furniture was donated or found second-hand. So we were determined to somehow take all the bits and pieces and make it into our home. As you can see, it’s as eclectic and different as we are. If I were personally decorating my own space with my own tastes and a small budget, it would probably look radically different. But I’ve lived into it enough - giving what is unique to me, and receiving what is unique to others - I’ve lived into it enough that it has become my home. If I had planned a community through my perspectives, experiences, and expectations, it too would probably be very different than our community now. I have also come to live into community life enough to let the hodge-podge and unexpected become the foundations and fibers for a vibrant life together.

How this house became our home is similar to how this group of 7 people became our community: by bringing all the things we carry with us, and offering them up for whatever good they are. We started defining our community in organic and structured ways… through laughter and conversations, through small projects and meals together, through awkwardness and unexpected breakthroughs of connection.

Life is what we bring to it. In this community we have decided to bring honesty and humor, seeking hearts and loving hands, creative vision and sheer willingness to not let go. And in all things God gives us grace for the things we are not yet able to bring by ourselves. In return, we reap laughter and vulnerability, growth and passion, the ability to give and the ability to receive.

Early in my time here I came across this quote by Marilyn Ferguson, “At some point in our lives, we decide just how conscious we wish to be. We establish a threshold of awareness. We choose how stark a truth we are willing to admit into consciousness, how readily we will examine contradictions in our lives and beliefs, how deeply we wish to penetrate. Our brains can censor what we see and hear, we can filter reality to suit our level of courage. At every crossroads we make the choice again for greater or lesser awareness.”

Every day here I see the fruit of willing consciousness in my life. Consciousness to embrace my gifts and faults and consciousness of the joy and pain of life around me. I hope that our level of courage is up to the challenge of a broken world. I feel deeply and personally the words of the prophet Jeremiah, “Since my people are crushed, I am crushed… Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why is there no healing for the wound of my people?” We try to have courage to face the injustices and oppressions caused by our personal lives and collective society. We strive also to remember that we can be a healing presence in the world by choosing awareness and choosing to live our lives through the transforming grace of God in ways that are honoring and inclusive of others and bring equality, peace, and joy.

So I pray for our community that we have open eyes, use candid words, give grace, seek truth, and live passionately our callings. We have brought what we can and we trust for the rest that we are living as one small section of God’s kingdom in the world. We bring our whole selves to this experience in the hopes that our faults will be our teachers, our gifts will be others’ blessings, and our iron will sharpen iron. This is who we are.

Questions and Conversations

Lately my mind and heart have been abuzz with the questions of what it means to be church. What does it mean to really live the Good News? How can the message of Jesus be communicated most effectively through his followers? How do we embrace the diversity that God created in order to make our body a more accurate and vibrant reflection of the Trinity? And possibly the most important questions of all, are we asking these questions and evaluating ourselves in light of Christ, or are we remaining stagnant?

It seems that disappointment in the church is most often the catalyst to conversations around these questions. I am grateful that I am not the only one of my friends here in Church of the Saviour that is willing to ask hard questions and have open dialogue about them. I need those conversations to tell me that I'm not alone, we are living in the vision of God's kingdom now and coming. The conversations don't always lead to answers, in fact, they often lead to more questions. But those conversations, along with time spent listening to God on the matter of his church, those things are the most valuable spaces to me right now. In my attempts to be creative in the Spirit, I get frustrated at my own and others inabilities to know what is the right thing to do and do it. Then instead of trusting God more, I put more emphasis on myself and what I can or should do.

For the most part at the moment, my thoughts are centered around the sustainability of a any one church community over extended periods of time. That leads me to question whether sustainability can happen without diversity. Without diversity, the church dies when the old guard dies. With diversity, there is always room for new expressions of our faith and a current that allows change in the structures of the community.

This touches on the communication of the church's message of the good news of God's kingdom. Right now I am particularly discouraged because I find that CoS has a good understanding of the call to an life of inward/outward tension that encourages deep personal growth in Christ and a missional expression of that spirituality in the world. The main issue that I see is that the church has a hard time communicating that message. I feel like the church is speaking a different language than much of the world around it. Those who are already attuned to that message can sift through the garble to find it. But what about people who can't get past the foreign language to hear the message? If we want to have a diverse body of believers in the image of God and to best do God's work in the world, then we need to have a church that reflects that richness of cultural language so that everyone can hear the good news.

This is where the dichotomy of cultural relevance and integrity of message gets dicey. We don't want to be culturally relevant for relevance sake - for the cool factor or for the diversity factor. Those things just make us self-righteous that our "style" is better than another's. We want to be culturally relevant so that the message of Christ can be understood by all.

I am encouraged, though, that Jesus' example gives us a simple path to follow. Once we're on that path (and continually checking to make sure we are staying on it) we can trust that God will use that for his glory and his in-breaking kingdom. This scripture passage about the very beginning of Jesus' ministry has been especially helpful for me to calm down and gain perspective: "Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people. News about him spread all over Syria, and people brought to him all who were ill with various diseases, those suffering severe pain, the demon-possessed, those having seizures, and the paralyzed; and he healed them. Large crowds from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea and the region across the Jordan followed him." (Matthew 4:23-25) In this description of Jesus' ministry, I see that the example we are to follow is to share the good news (teaching and proclaiming) and to live the good news (healing and ministering to pain). If I can simplify my questions down to whether the church is doing those two things well, then maybe I can seek ways to strengthen the current initiatives and/or prune branches that are not bearing fruit and/or find creative new ways to follow Christ's example of sharing and healing.

Downs and Ups and Birthday Extravaganzas

Last week was a rough one for the DY household. When it rains it pours, right? Why does it all seem to come at once?

First off, everyone was getting sick. Chris even had to make a day-of appointment on Saturday because he was coughing up blood. The doctor said he either had pneumonia or tuberculosis. Thankfully on Monday the test result showed negative for TB, but he does have pneumonia. I had a stomach virus that coincided with a head cold, which landed me in bed for Thursday and Friday. Meanwhile, Katy had one of those really bad barking-type coughs, and Isa stayed home sick from work for a day also.

On top of the general physical malaise, there were some difficult life situations too. Several people at Joseph's House died within a few days of one another and others were doing badly or admitted to ICU. Katy was struggling with the sadness of all of this and feeling weighted down by it.

Chris found out that the insurance wouldn't cover any more time for his mom at the head trauma rehab unit, so she had to go home. He had to take he home on Wednesday and stay with her a couple days until they could get a daytime caretaker to stay at the house with her. She's glad to be home, but she still needs the stimulation of therapy to have the best recovery possible. The insurance/health care system is very frustrating at times.

Isa was focused on a big English fluency test on Saturday that included an interview. She was very nervous about it because it's very important for grad school and she also had her application due this week.

I was coming off the wonderful experience of having my friends come to visit. But after they leave there's always a let down of going back to normal life without them. I also had two grad school applications due this week and I wasn't able to even start working on them until Saturday afternoon because I was so sick. It's also a really busy time at work for me, so it was tough to miss two days.

Understandably, when everyone is sick or stressed it's hard to support other people who are feeling the same way because you're spending so much energy just to keep your own head above water. Whew.

But things seem to be collectively looking up again! We're getting healthier and calming down a little bit.

I do want to brag about my birthday for a little bit. Actually, I would be bragging about my housemates because they're the ones who made it so special. It's marvelous how the lack of money propels to have more genuine expressions of love for one another.

On Sunday January 13th I woke up to a picture of us girls from New Years with a birthday note telling me to open my blinds. Outside my window, the balcony was decorated with streamers and balloon. The hallway said "Happy Birthday Sarah!" on little pieces of paper on the floor. Paige left fun birthday quotes around the house for me to find...on the bathroom mirror, on the milk jug in the fridge, in the fruit bowl. Chris, Isa, and Katy all collaged silly and/or thoughtful cards for me. Clay sent me an email including a picture of a Naples sunset (just what I love!) and an appreciative note. A few of us went down to the museums to see some art exhibits in the afternoon. They made my request for dinner and Katy and I baked the traditional Munz family carrot cake which is my favorite. After dinner all the homies presented me with a song they wrote about me to the tune of "Blindman" (it's a joke at our house). I could barely breathe I was laughing so hard! And just when I thought it was all over, Emily hid a gift under my covers for me to find when I was going to bed. She read a poem/prayer that reminded her of me so she mounted it in a frame. How special can a girl get?!

Honestly, I was pretty overwhelmed, but in a good way. I can't think of a time when I felt this loved and appreciated just for being me! But that's not all. On Tuesday, they surprised me by inviting some of my other friends over as a late surprise birthday party!!! I've never had a surprise party before, although I've secretly always wanted one. Even though about half the people they invited couldn't make it on a Tuesday night, it was nice to know that I do have friends and a place here in DC and enough friends to invite to a party. It was great to have some people over that didn't know my housemates before and see all different parts of my life coincide.

I couldn't have planned a better birthday if I had thought about it myself. Wow.

The Story of Trinny (or Conning the Con-Man)

This exciting little episode happened on my way to work this morning and, even though I just blogged yesterday, I really wanted to share it while it's fresh in my mind.

As I was exited the Metro station this morning a middle-aged, black man approached me very calmly and said something to the effect of "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm approaching you respectfully because I know a lot of people do this, but I'm just out of 18 months in prison and I've been homeless for the past month, I'm trying to find a job, but I just get so hungry sometimes. I know a lot of people ask for money and then by booze or drugs, but I just want to have something to eat tonight."

I'm optimistic but (hopefully) not naive, so I offered the buy him something to eat at the 7-Eleven across the street. He declined saying that he had just eaten, but he knew he would need money for food later. So I switched tactics. If he really wanted to get a job and get off the street, then I could help him with that. I offered to walk him to the office of Jubilee Jobs, a ministry of Church of the Saviour, that helps the homeless and fresh-out-of-prison find jobs. It's quite a daunting task to find a job and some stability after being surrounded by concrete and razor-wire fences for months or years at a time. I fully understand how difficult that must be. At the same time, I know there are other personal, psychological, or emotional factors that can get in the way.

Anyway, I felt comfortable enough because he wasn't threatening, it was daylight, and there were plenty of people around. Plus, Jubilee Jobs is practically on my way to work. So I told him that I'd give him a little money if he'd go with me there. We walked and talked about where he used to live in the area, what kind of job he would like to have, how hard it is to be homeless and how dirty the shelters are, and how we all need to learn from our mistakes and receive a little grace in our lives. He said his name is Trinny and I gave him a pack of tissues from my purse.

When we arrived at Jubliee Jobs I introduced myself to the receptionist as a Discipleship Year volunteer with CoS and she responded enthusiastically. Then I introduced Trinny and explained that he's looking to find a job. I also explained that I was on my way to work and sorry I couldn't stay, but hopefully they'd be able to take care of things. I gave Trinny a few dollars and left as the receptionist was handing him a form to fill out and asking him about ID and his social security number. He wasn't quite taking to it like a fish to water, but I at least dropped him in the stream.

I don't know if Trinny is actually ready to hold down a job. I'm not in the business of working with people in his situation enough to know how to engage the problem correctly, but that's what Jubilee Jobs is all about so I hope I took him to the right place. I don't know if Trinny was just feeding me lines of respect and remorse just to get a few bucks. If so, he got more hassle and less money than he bargained for. He could have peaced-out any time with some lame excuse, but I like to think that if he made it that far, then hopefully he'll make it to the next step and the next step.

If he was trying to con some cash out of me, I feel like I flipped that game on him and conned him into something else entirely. Jesus said something about being as peaceful as dove yet a cunning as snakes, right?

Hello 2008 and Something Like Being in Love

The past calendar year feels like 3 years of my life. Each of the 3 seasons of my life in 2007 were so vastly different from one another that they seem like completely separate slices of time. First was finishing up college, then working at Grace Place while living at home over the summer, and the most recent and continuing chapter of participating in Discipleship Year program in DC. But now it's 2008, which definitely has one big transition in store (when the program ends in August) and probably some others also. Meanwhile, I'm trying to reconcile all this change with the need for roots. Hmm...

While I was home for Christmas with my family, I was talking to my housemate Emily on the phone and confided that "living is community is like being in love." What I mean by that is, when you're in love no matter how good things are where you are, you want to be with your significant other. Going home was wonderful and I enjoyed it thoroughly, but there was still the piece of me that is with my community. Community, like being in love, feels like the greatest necessity and the most comfortable place you can imagine. I'm seriously considering how intentional community living can be integrated into the rest of my life.

Needless to say after that sappy segue, it is great to be in DC for New Years. We threw a classy wine and cheese party at our house last night. A good time with good friends and good laughter and some crazy dancing antics as well.

And, of course, this is New Year's resolution time too. In the past I've had very concrete NY resolutions, like flossing or exercising 5 days a week, but this year I'm feeling different. Several things have been pointing me toward the need for a paradigm shift rather than just small changes. True, it's harder to make big, sweeping changes than to make incremental changes into habits which add up to big changes over time. I'm not trying to make a 180 change or a huge overhaul. Instead, I'm trying to live into the "why" of the changes I see as necessary in my life. If I can be in tune with the larger reasons for the small steps, then I'm more likely to change something that affects the big picture. Resources like Brian McLaren's newest book "Everything Must Change" and storyofstuff.com and the documentary film "What Would Jesus Buy" about Rev. Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping are all challenging me with the concept of sustainability. (I highly recommend that you check out all of those things.) Brian McLaren especially hit home because his entire book is about how if we live our lives framed by the story of being children of a great Creator who are active participants in a lasting and glorious creation, then we would live our lives very differently and in a way that would be better for ourselves and our brothers and sisters around the world.

Most obviously sustainability is linked to how I consume which effects my contribution to the global economy and the environment and the quality of life of people who are part of this earth and economy. By that I mean that I condone or condemn the system by where I spend my money. I'm not super-rich, so the main effect of this kind of sustainability is the challenge to my personal philosophy to not participate in systems that devalue people and earth in return for profit. But sustainability also effects the overall quality of my life. I want my health to be sustainable so that I can achieve goals like hiking the Appalachian Trail or strengthening my yoga practice or just being able to enjoy life and the outdoors more by being fit. I also want to be sustainable in my happiness which is greatly influenced by my spirituality and relationships with people. Making choices for sustainable relationships with God and people and my inner self may cost some convenience or take some effort, but are more than worth the results.

So that's how I'm coming into 2008. I'm excited and hopeful for the new things that are taking root in my life. I wish the same for you. Happy New Year!